Organizations
Institute for Healthcare Improvement – “Your Conversation Starter Kit” – theconversationproject.org
National Healthcare Decisions Day – nhdd.org
National Institutes of Health and the National Institute of Nursing Research – Leads public forums and conversations on death – nihseniorhealth.gov/endoflife/planningforcare/01.html
Good Death Week (May 13-19, 2019) – goodlifedeathgrief.org.uk/content/awareness-week/
DyingMatters.org – dyingmatters.org/
PREPARE – prepareforyourcare.org
FCAI (Funeral Consumers Alliance of Idaho) – Boise, Idaho – fcai.fortboise.org
Funeral Consumers Alliance – funerals.org
Funeral Ethics Organization – funeralethics.org
Idaho QUALITY OF LIFE Coalition (formerly End-of-Life Coalition) Boise, Idaho – IDQOL.org
CAPC (Center to Advance Palliative Care) – capc.org/
Hospice & Palliative Care of the Wood River Valley – Ketchum, Idaho – hpcwrv.org/ – Lisa Wild
Hospice and Palliative Care Conference (annual) – Boise, Idaho – idqol.org/2014-hospice-palliative-care-conference – Dying Well in Idaho is an annual conference presented in Boise, Idaho.
Compassion & Choices – compassionandchoices.org/ (Medical-Aid-in-Dying)
Mesothelioma — https://www.asbestos.com/support/
Diagnosis Decoder – Excellent resource! compassionandchoices.org/end-of-life-planning/discuss-your-end-of-life-wishes/diagnosis-decoder/
Trust Card – A fantastic resource for filling out a Trust Card for your medical team and those you assign to be with you in the end. Hand your personalized card to all involved, including your medical advocates and named agents. trustcard.org
Glossary of Terms: compassionandchoices.org/end-of-life-planning/learn/glossary-of-terms/
The Cambia Health Foundation – Portland, Oregon – cambiahealthfoundation.org/
Cancer Action Network (ACS) – Quality of Life Legislative Initiatives – acscan.org
Cancer Connection of Idaho – Boise, Idaho – cancerconnectionidaho.org – Viewing of Consider the Conversation and Consider the Conversation2 are available for loan through their library.
Final Exit Network – finalexitnetwork.org
Cremation for those w/o funds in Idaho – bannockcounty.us/indigent/
Spirit of Resh Foundation – reshfoundation.org
Support Death By Design Podcast – deathbydesign.com/support-death-design-podcast/
Beautiful Dying – beautifuldying.com/winter-2019-expo.html
You Might Die Tomorrow – youmightdietomorrow.com/
Growing Older – growingolder.net/
THE STORY OF A LIFETIME – mylastsoundtrack.com/Public/Home
“One in four people who enter the ICU with documented
Do Not Resuscitate orders get CPR.”
— JAMA Internal Medicine Journal, 2015
Forms
Visit The Idaho QUALITY OF LIFE Coalition (formerly End-of-Life Coalition) at www.IDQOL.org for ALL forms. You will find a free Idaho Advance Directives/POLST Information pack. This includes Living Will and Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care. Advanced Medical Directive – REGISTER your advance directives in the Idaho Health Care Directive Registry securely located in the Idaho Office of the Secretary of State or mail to: Idaho Secretary of State, Attention: Health Care Directive Registrar, 304 N. 8th St., Room #149, P.O. Box 83720, Boise, ID 83720-0080. I recommend you ask your physician questions pertaining to your directives so that you are clear on your decisions.
Advanced Directive for Conscious Dying – ttbook.org/sites/default/files/public/images/Advance%20Directive%20for%20Conscious%20Dying.pdf Buddhist Chaplain Steve Spiro can be heard in his interview with Sara Nics in Death: The Last Moment or the interview with Anne Strainchamps: Mindful Dying (To The Best of Our Knowledge – Death and Dying series: ttbook.org.
Five Wishes (pdf) – agingwithdignity.org/docs/default-source/default-document-library/product-samples/fwsample.pdf?sfvrsn=2
Atul Gawande’s 5 questions for engaging in end-of-life conversations – nextavenue.org/atul-gawandes-5-questions-ask-lifes-end/
Create your own “Trust Card” to give to your doctor. Great way to start the conversation! For Kate Riley, it was the simplest way to convey her end-of-life plans, and asking her doctor if she would comply – compassionandchoices.org/end-of-life-planning/assess/trust-card/
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life.
A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
— Mark Twain
Green Burials and Cemeteries
The Infinity Burial Suit — https://coeio.com/
Green Burial Council – greenburialcouncil.org/home/about-gbc/staff/
Mountain View Green Cemetery, 3770 Lemhi Rd. Leadore, ID 83464 – mountainviewgreencemetery.com. Contact Jim or Bonnie Lockes @ 208.768.7095 or 208.768.7404
Caskets – visit lasthings.net for specific directions on building your own pine box
Green caskets – naturalburialcompany.com/
Urns – visit funeria.com/
Ashes to Glass – “Petglash” – One teaspoon of your beloved pet’s ashes makes up to a dozen beads. See website for beautiful jewelry options for pets and your dearly departed. Visit ashestoglass.com or call 1-888-418-9888.
Stover Glass – Lisa Stover of Stover Glass specializes in beautiful one-of-a-kind glass memorial pieces. Each piece is specially crafted to preserve the lasting memory of your loved ones. “Keep your loved ones close to your heart.” Visit stoverglass208.com or call 208-351-5298. Lisa has made six hearts with my mother’s ashes – all exquisite!
An alternative to cremation – nytimes.com/2019/05/22/us/human-composting-washington.html (2020!)
“…it is almost a complete balance of trauma and privilege.”
— Greg Wise on being with his sister while she was at the end of her life
Kate’s Recommended Reading
The Four Sacred Secrets by Preethaji and Krishnagi (2019)
The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life by Katy Butler (2019)
LIFE and MEDIINE in the ELEVENTH HOUR: THAT GOOD NIGHT by Sunita Puri (2019)
Finish Strong: Putting Your Priorities First at Life’s End by Barbara Coombs Lee (2019)
The Unwinding of the Miracle: A Memoir of Life, Death, and Everything That Comes After by Julie Yip-Williams (2019)
The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully by Frank Ostaseski (2019)
The Longevity Paradox by Steven R. Gundy, MD (2019)
“Dementia Reimagined: Building a Life of Joy and Dignity From Beginning to End by Tia Powell (2019)
Not That Kind of Love: A sister, a brother, some tumours and a cat by Clare & Greg Wise (2018)
At Peace, Choosing a Good Death After a Long Life by Samuel Harrington (2018)
Dying, Death, and Wisdom in an Age of Denial: With the End in Mind by Kathryn Mannix (2018)
Wisdom at Work: Making of a Modern Elder” by Chip Conley (2018)
Walking Each Other Home: Conversations on Loving and Dying by Ram Dass & Mirabai Bush (2018)
Come of Age: The Cases for Elderhood in a Time of Trouble by Stephen Jenkinson (2018)
Summary & Analysis of Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End. A guide to the book by Atul Gawande (2018)
Aging in America: A Cautionary Tale of Wrongful Death in Elder Care by Karol Charles (2018)
The Book of Ceremony: Shamanic Wisdom for Invoking the Sacred in Everyday Life by Sandra Ingerman (2018)
Extreme Measures: Finding a Better Path to the END of LIFE by Jessica Nutik Zitter, MD (2017)
Modern Death: How Medicine Changed the End of Life by Haider Warraich, MD (2017)
Living with Dying: A Complete Guide for Caregivers by Jahnna Beecham & Katie Ortlip (2017)
Life After Loss: A Practical Guide to Renewing Your Life After Experiencing Major Loss by Bob Deits (2017)
Words on the Threshold by Lisa Smartt (2017)
Launching Vee’s Chariot: An End-of-Life Tale by Kate Riley (Balboa Press/Hay House 2016)
Empty Jacket by Vicky Bates (2016)
The Good Death by Ann Neumann (Beacon Press 2016)
When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanith (2016)
The Violet Hour: Great Writers at the End by Katie Roiphe (The Dial Press, an imprint of Random House 2016)
The Conversation: A Revolutionary Plan for End-of-Life Care by Angelo E. Volandes, M.D. (2015)
Life and Death: A Medium’s Messages to Help You Overcome Grief and Find Closure” by Tim Braun (2015)
Die Wise: A Manifesto for Sanity and Soul by Stephen Jenkinson (2015)
Death Makes Life Possible: Revolutionary Insights on Living, Dying, and the Continuation of Consciousness by Marilyn Schlitz, Ph.D. (2015)
The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise by Martin Prechtel (2015)
Being Mortal by Atul Guwande, M.D. (2014)
The Grace in Aging: Awaken as You Grow Older by Kathleen Dowling Singh (2014)
How We Die: Reflections on Life’s Final Chapter by Dr. Sherwin B. Nuland (1995, 2014)
Knocking on Heaven’s Door: The Path to a Better Way of Death by Katy Butler (2013)
The Good Funeral: Death, Grief, and the Community of Care by Thomas G. Long and Thomas Lynch (2013)
Changing The Way We Die by Fran Smith and Sheila Himmel (2013)
The Truth About Grief: The Myth of its Five Stages and the New Science of Loss by Ruth Davis Konigsberg (2011)
Passages in Caregiving: Turning Chaos into Confidence by Gail Sheehy (2011)
Final Rights: Reclaiming the American Way of Death by Joshua Slocum and Lisa Carlson (2011)
The Art of Uncertainty: How to Live in the Mystery of Life and Love It by Dennis Merritt Jones (2011)
The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss by George A. Bonanno (2009)
Living Deeply: The Art and Science of Transformation in Everyday Life by Marilyn Schlitz, Ph.D. (2008)
The BEST WAY To Say Goodbye: A Legal Peaceful Choice at the End of Life by Stanley A. Terman, PhD., MD (2007)
The Four Things That Matter the Most: A Book About Living by Ira Byock, M.D. (2004)
Sacred Dying: Creating Rituals for Embracing the End of Life by Megory Anderson (2003)
Making Friends with Death: A Buddhist Guide to Encountering Mortality by Judith L. Lief (2001)
Shaman, Healer, Sage: How to Heal Yourself and Others with the Energy Medicine of the Americas by Alberto Villoldo, Ph.D. – Highly recommended read for those who are interested in clearing the chakras before, during and after a death. Mr. Villoldo has incredible insight on The luminous energy field and reflects on death, dying & beyond. (2000)
The CELTIC Book on Living and Dying: An Illustrated Guide to Celtic Wisdom by Juliette Wood (2000)
The Grace in Dying: How we Are Transformed Spiritually As We Die by Kathleen Dowling Singh (1998)
The Dying Time: Practical Wisdom for the Dying & Their Caregivers by Joan Furman and David McNabb (1997)
The Five Stages of the Soul by Harry R. Moody, PhD and David Carroll (1997)
Wrestling with the Angel: Jewish Insights on Death and Mourning edited by Jack Riemer (1995)
Rethinking Life and Death: The Collapse of Our Traditional Ethics by Peter Singer (1994)
Death and the Final Stage of Growth by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (1975)
Loss to Legacy by Lily Myers Kaplan – reshfoundation.org/loss-to-legacy-1 (Pre-order – Publication date: October 1, 2019)
Let’s Talk About Death Over Dinner: An Invitation and Guide to Life’s Most Important Conversation by Michael Hebb (2018)
“Hospitals are designed to get people better and send them on their
way. They are not designed as holding bays.”
— Greg Wise (I’m Certain That People Die How They Live podcast)
Audio CDs/DVDs
Being with Dying: Contemplative Practices and Teachings Roshi Joan Hallifax (6 CDs) soundstrue.com
Consider the Conversation: A Documentary on a Taboo Subject and Consider the Conversation2: Stories About Cure, Relief and Comfort DVDs. Consider the Conversation reminds us that thinking and talking about life’s final chapter well in advance can help prevent unnecessary physical, emotional, spiritual, and social suffering. Both DVDs are available on “loan” from the library at: cancerconnectionidaho.org. In addition, both DVDS are now available for purchase for personal and educational use by visiting: considertheconversation.org.
The Idaho Quality of Life Coalition has an excellent DVD featuring: 1) A Clinician’s Guide to Starting Conversations about End of Life, and 2) Live P.O.S.T. Consult – IDQOL.org
Conscious Aging: On the Nature of Change and Facing Death by Ram Dass (2 CDs) soundstrue.com
When the Heart Breaks: A Journey Through Requited and Unrequited Love by David Whyte (2 CDs) soundstrue.com
GriefWalker – Director Tim Wilson (2008) View 70-minute documentary: nfb.ca/film/griefwalker
A Will for the Woods: A last act, a gift to the planet – A documentary by Amy Browne, Jeremy Kaplan, Tony Hale & Brian Wilson – 2014 – 94 minutes – awillforthewoods.com or firstrunfeatures.com
“WIT” – A film that warrants a close peak both by all of us, and especially anyone serving in the medical profession – hulu.com/movie/wit-fc29b3de-9e7d-456b-846a-24a21b3c43ef
How to Live and Die Well, a short video from The University of Edinburgh: media.ed.ac.uk/media/1_2yh6tqb2
At Home with Illness: goodlifedeathgrief.org.uk/content/at-home/
A story of a man who lived 33 days after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer: hospiceuk.org/what-we-offer/courses-conferences-and-learning-events/educational-plays/homeward-bound/homeward-bound-video
Extremis – Jessica Nutik Zitter, M.D. – Short documentary available on Netflix – youtube.com/watch?v=TJiY8duVgz0
States of Grace – Dr. Grace Dammann – Highly recommend viewing the trailer. Great reminder on the frailty of life – statesofgracefilm.com/
How to Live and Die Well, a short video from The University of Edinburgh: media.ed.ac.uk/media/1_2yh6tqb2
At Home with Illness: goodlifedeathgrief.org.uk/content/at-home/
A story of a man who lived 33 days after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer: hospiceuk.org/what-we-offer/courses-conferences-and-learning-events/educational-plays/homeward-bound/homeward-bound-video
“I’m Certain That People Die How They Live” – Greg Wise: dyingmatters.org/page/dying-matters-podcast-season-2
“The breath is the single greatest resource you have to change your life.”
— Scott Schwenk
Movies
What They Had – From first-time writer/director Elizabeth Chomko, WHAT THEY HAD centers on a family in crisis. Bridget (Hilary Swank) returns home to Chicago at her brother’s (Michael Shannon) urging to deal with her ailing mother (Blythe Danner) and her father’s (Robert Forster) reluctance to let go of their life together. In theaters this October!
The Farewell – Based on an actual lie!
The Open Road: America Looks at Aging a film by Nina Gilden Seavey, Narrated by Michele Norris (All Things Considered)
The Second Time Around (First Run Features 2017) A vibrant love story that begins in a senior citizen facility.
Mr. Church (Inspired by a true friendship) Eddie Murphy 2016 (Mr. Church tells the story of a unique friendship that develops when a little girl and her dying mother retain the services of a talented cook. What begins as a six-month arrangement instead spans fifteen years, and creates a family bond that lasts forever.
Last Cab to Darwin (First Run Features 2014) This film tells the moving tale of a dying taxi driver and his cross-country quest.
Nothing To Do – Netflix
WIT – Prime Video Amazon – Starring Emma Thompson
God Knows Where I Am – Netflix
Still Alice – Netflix – Starring Julienne Moore (2014)
An Unfinished Life – Netflix
The Long Goodbye: The Kara Tippetts Story – Netflix
The Mayo Clinic – Netflix
Diagnosis – Netflix
End Game – Netflix
Dead Good (filmmaker, Rehana Rose)
Searching for Meaning – Documentary by Director Jean-Francois Rodriguez
Do You Remember Love — “Deals unflinchingly with Alzheimer’s Disease” Chicago Tribune (1985) Starring Joanne Woodward
Terms of Endearment – Netflix – Starring Shirley McLaine, Debra Winger and Jack Nicholson (1993)
Away From Her – Starring Julie Christie and Gordon Pinsent (2007)
Maudie – hidden messages in one of the best films ever made!
“Therefore, because death stirs people to seek answers to important spiritual questions, it becomes the greatest servant of humanity, rather than its most feared enemy.”
— Lord Krishna to Arjuna, Bhagavad Gita
Music
Graceful Passages: A Companion for Living and Dying (2 CDs) gracefulpassages.com
Eckhart Tolle’s Music to Quiet the Mind soundstrue.com
Songs of the Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer, performed by Kathy Zavada (1 CDs) soundstrue.com
Interesting tidbits in the world of death and dying
Interviews/Programs/Publications
Kate Riley interview with Compassion & Choices: compassionandchoices.org/stories/kate-riley/
Kate Riley interview with Karen Wyatt, MD – End-of-Life University: instantteleseminar.com/Events/104232522
Kate Riley is a caller on KGNU: news.kgnu.org/2016/02/end-of-life-series-coping-with-grief/
Kate Riley’s TEDxSunValley talk: youtube.com/watch?v=Jj8kkUahqCg
TED Talks
New Ways to Think About Death: Death is a topic that is relevant to us all, and yet it simply isn’t pleasant to talk about. These speakers offer subtle reframes to help us face life more thoughtfully and with greater compassion. A collection of TED Talks (and more) on the topic of death: ted.com/topics/death
TEDxSunValley
Reimagining End-of-Life Care | Kate Riley
Kate Riley believes the environment in which we enter our final days may very well orchestrate the entire experience. Kate shares her vision for a community guest house, a place where the dying are tenderly cared for on the emotional, physical and spiritual levels.
Design for the end of life
Elaine Fong | TEDxSanFrancisco
Elaine Fong shares a riveting personal story to argue that we should consider thinking about the end of life as a design challenge.
What your doctor won’t disclose
Leana Wen
Physician and public health advocate Leana Wen discussed a highly controversial approach to medical transparency and full disclosure.
A Touching Glimpse into the Mystery of Death
David Galler
David Galler has spent a lifetime with death. As an intensive care specialist, he’s been up close and personal with people at their most profound moments. In this beautiful and heartfelt talk, he shares some perspective on our final moments, and what they can teach us about how to live.
Palliative Care, a Different Voice in Healthcare
Timothy Ihrig | TEDxDesMoines
Healthcare expenditure is the biggest threat to America’s economy, due to an aging population and a system in which physicians are often paid based on what they do to their patients, rather than fostering a patient’s overall quality of life. Dr. Timothy Ihrig explains the benefits of palliative care that prioritizes a patient’s personal values and navigates a serious illness from diagnosis to death with dignity and compassion.
Stories from a home for terminally ill children
Kathy Hull
To honor and celebrate young lives cut short, Kathy Hull founded the first freestanding pediatric palliative care facility in the United States, the George Mark Children’s House. Its mission: to give terminally ill children and their families a peaceful place to say goodbye. She shares stories brimming with wisdom, joy, imagination and heartbreaking loss.
Death Brings Context to Life
Dr. Mary Neal
Dr. Mary Neal is a board-certified orthopedic spine surgeon. She drowned while river kayaking in South America and experienced life after death. Dr. Neal has written two books on her experience, including a No. 1 New York Times Bestseller.
Let’s talk about death
Stephen Cave
Death. It’s kind of a heavy subject. And, according to Stephen Cave, we fear it so much that we avoid thinking about it at all costs — even when death is exactly what we think we’re talking about.
